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May. 23rd, 2006

Sirius What in the earth?!

Riding the Red Rails

I dont normally dream, I believe everyone and their brother knows this by now. *laughs* But last night, I did dream. And what a bizarre dream it was! I dont remember everything of course, but I'll type up what I do remember. Bizarre stuff ahead to say the least! *laughs*

I remember that I was in the bathroom, and there were three fishtanks. Two of them were half filled, I mean, not the normal level at all, with schools happily swimming within them. The third however and highest had a HUGE, Im talking 3-4 footer, brown and white catfish inside. There was no water, and the catfish just flopped around, flop flop flop, never stop.

For one part, I was in a train with otehrs from my family I believe. And I remember that this train ran side by side with a roller coaster. It never flipped, but the rails would go up and down. It ran on strange tracks as well, merely two thin tracks of red metal. There were no bars between, just those two tracks. And beside us, the roller coaster which one could always see.

Another part I remember vaguely mentioned there was water running right through the middle of South Carolina, and we had to get to an island in the center for some reason. That part's vague to say the least.

But the first two parts were very vivid, I mean like you're actually there vivid. I dont remember the details, I do remember it feeling liek reality however, and the fact I wasnt alone.

Now I remember why I dont dream *laughs* My dreams are crackfilled. But still, a fun ride nonetheless. I dont think any of it means squat, but thought I would type it up here nontheless considering the rarity of dreams. :)

May. 16th, 2006

Aya blue serious

(no subject)

It was a voice now that whispered into her ears, a hand that clung onto her shoulder. As close to her as her shadow, looming over and trying to blot out the light. It was that which spoke of failure, of worthlessness, of abandonment. Of tears, of loss, of spite, of uselessness. Etheral... yet as real as her own hand. An extension of herself, and yet seperate.

She could hear it speak no matter where she was. Hear the hateful words that tried to bring her down into the darkness with it. The words that rang true... and yet laced with twisted rhetoric. Slanted, biased, words that reflected one side and one side alone.

It clung ever closer, hoping to find a crack, hoping to break her. Twisting the words of friends. It promised her she would be alone. They would all leave, Every last person. That she would be better off to accept it. To just close her heart and walk away. To learn to live with the reality that was life. The words grew harsher, stronger, everyday. Cruel.

And everyday it spoke to her, she told it the same thing. Everytime it tried to twist her thinking, she told it the same thing.

Fuck the hell off.
Sirius Sleeping away

(no subject)

Well I suppose its time for another update on this journal huh guys? *laughs* It's been an interesting day of sorts. Week really. After the driving incident, Mom hasnt let me drive her carm, stating if I'm to try again I'll have to drive my own car. We currently havent had any luck finding one, or for that matter fixing the red car. So for the past week, no driving. Which has really been a bummer to me I'll freely admit.

Anyways, today before work Mom says to me Hey, get to sleep early, we'll go out driving tomorrow okay? I merely stopped in my tracks. Did she change her mind? If so why? Not that I should question mind you, its just my moms the type of person who doesnt usually change her mind. So yeah, no AIM for me tonight so that I may get to bed at least a bit earlier.

I really wish to get that license yanno?

Had a customer try to pull a fast one... god I HATE it when they try to do things like that. I dont have STOOOPID on my forehead. No. Like I woudlnt notice the price was about ten dollars off and the wrong BRAND to boot? Puh.

It just amuses me. *shakes head* Anyways, I'm off ;) Got to get that sleep in. *laughs* Wow, theres a rarity :3

May. 9th, 2006

Wraith scarred and loosing hope

(no subject)

That was crushing. x-x It seems like every time I take the test, my nerves get the better of me, I clench up... and soemthing bad just happens. Something I normally get right, but the one time will fail and fail spectacularly.

Today, it was parralel parking. The first time I was certain I had it right but she wished it to be straighter so we went back around to try again. On the way out I hit the barricade, scraping it against the front of Mom's car.

So yeah, wanna guess who failed again?

Mom was so upset... mad and dissapointed. I told her... I would pay for the damages done to the car. THAT was a given. She trusted me with the car and I let her down. It'll cost 8-900 dollars... about a month and a half worth of pay. But, it was my fault. There's noone else to blame. Its my responsibility and when they take it in I shall pay for it.

*Curls up slightly* I really... thought I had it this time. But I royally blew it. Maybe I really shoudlnt be driving I guess. Im not sure.

For now, Im just trying to keep away from Mom, doing the chores in my room and such. In any case, I dont think she eitehr wants or needs to see the sight of myself right now. That cars her baby, yanno? Deep down, I really do wish someone would provide the comfort, dry these tears, and say hey, youll do better next time. Just relax, smile for me will ya?

...But thats never the case. I let her down. I let myself down. I let... I let all of them down this time and all the others as well.

Sometimes, I really do wish I could just take the feathers and scatter them to the Hells.
Reno WTH is going on here

*Smirks* Memes x-X



Arooo?!? As an old friend of mine would say. Heh, this amuses me muchly.

May. 6th, 2006

Aya blue serious

(no subject)

NOW I remember why I dont watch that particular show, Ghost Whisperer. Its very strong, thoughtwise I mean. Especially tonight's, which dealt with a plane crash and the hundreds of victims on board. Those who decided to go into the light... and the few who stayed.

Anyways, Its funny these sort of things. My father was commented on how much of an idiot those who left had been, those who went to Hell. I smiled, shaking my head. They hadnt been idiots I told him... they had been human. Taking the path which sounded past, soundest easiest to them. Instead of walking nto a path that was unknown, the light, following an illusive figure they knew, really, next to nothing about. Promise them a few things... and people WILL follow. Thats the sad thing. Or is that just cynical thinking on MY part?

But it wasnt that I was thinking about, but rather something Ive always had trouble dealing with. Anyways, the show makes you think about the dead. And I find myself idly wondering how many of the Bonds I know are well... yanno. Kinda unsettling thought, but then, a lot of them, I really dont know. You dont know how they arrived, or the why eitehr. They simply do. Which makes one wonder, why them?

But Im going off on a tangent again. *laughs* I have to be early tomorrow folks, so until then take care!

May. 5th, 2006

Zidaine Dont break that easy

(no subject)

Well, results are in. *sighed* Failed again, but this time it wasnt exactly my fault per se. Well, it was and it wasnt. We were to switch lanes ad I looke dover my shoulder... but somehow I still missed it. There was a car there, right behind me, in the blindspot.

My consolation cookie is that Im told to come back the next day I can, which is Tuesday, instead of waiting a month to retake, because everything else I did well on. Still fruustrating though. x-x;
Sirius Has finally lost it

*GULP*

So after a mucho streesful day I wont even get into, tomorrow I go in to try for my driver's license again. Third time's the charm maybe? I realy do hope so, I have like no nails left at this point! *laughs*

Art goes well, writing as well, and well, life moves on.

Er... odd question but has anyone heard from Drea? O_o;;; Is she still on hiatus?

Anywho, so yes, wish me luck again please :) Also, I learned that for some reason it seems with most things, I cant simply talk about it outright, I always talk in riddles, specially when its important. *Blinks* Wonder when I picked that habit up?

Anyways, take care everyone, and well, we'll se how THIS attempt goes :3

May. 3rd, 2006

Ed Just waking up

CRASH

Wow, I crashed last night. I mean, normally I get into my jammies and talk to my pals on the computer with a can of soda before I wiggle underneath the covers and go into bed. You know, its an evening ritual. :)

Anyways, as some know the day before yesteday I worked until ten. I was up chatting with people to try and relax, but the earliest I got into bed was like... 230. My alarm was set for 500, because I had to be at work at 700. So I was moving on two and a half hours of sleep. Boy was that not smart of me, because I felt it aaaaaall day. *sighs*

Anyways, soemtime after half eating, I crashed onto my bed dressed and all. This was ike at 8 or so, and you see what time I woke up! *Laughs* So yeah, if anyone wonders thats where I am. :)

Oh, spent all day apologizing to my art muse, Karrot. But ya see, when muses like Karrot few words are involved. He loves working on art for otehrs as do I, and yesterday we had a HUGE arguement over he drawing of porn. So I worked on giftart all day yesterday, and still have a few to do. :) Hope the recipients like em!

Anyways, now I go to catch up on the world around me. Oyvies I hate crashing. But I guess my body said enough ><;;;

Apr. 30th, 2006

Faris looking to open skies

On meeting people, Griff, and THE EMO DANCE!

Mmmm... a lot of thoughts to share with people today. Anyways, it was an interesting day at work a few days ago. Now normally I DESPISE training new people. Why? After you get your share of er... idiots it naturally happens I think. That and Im waaaay over protective of my drawer! I pride myself in being highly accurate. Anyways, so we're idly chatting and she asks me:

"I have a question! Your sense of humor... are you an anime fan?" What followed next was a loooong convo about Advent Children, movies, anime, manga... and Deviant Art! She shared a lot of my interests, and I mean a LOT! *smiles* We traded phone numbers and all, but I was standing there in awe. Someone didnt see me as annoying, or dull, or boring. In fact... they saw me as interesting!

That really stunned me, I mean downright flabbergasted me. She suggested one day we should get togetehr and draw, which was just plain awesome. And today, she asked me if I played D and D! Lis knows, but Ive wanted to get into D and D for awhile. Anyways, yeah, I was like blown out of the water! Like the holy crap kind!

Ahem, but yeah, that made me happy alot. I guess its God's consolation rize for all the shit beforehand ;)

Lesse, what else, what else. Its funny how much you learn at the hands of anotehr at times. Ive always kinda... despised myself. Ive wanted to be the tough talking, foul mouthed, drinking kick your ass and eat nails for breakfast kind of person. A take no names, jump in there fighter. GRIFF. But thinking today upon recent events, I realized something.

Thats not nearly who I am. *Shakes head* I swear as much as the next person, I drink maybe once a year and have never been drunk, I dont kick ass... I heal. I dont talk loud, I listen. And when I open up, I actually smile and enjoy myself. I can joke, I can laugh. I can smile. Seems so easy to realize, but Im not Griff. Nosiree, at at all. She has her gifts... and I have mine. There's nothing wrong with that, nothing wrong with being the healer.

Nothing wrong at all. So form now on... I work on being me. *laughs* Well alright, I stop pretending at just... be.

Does that make any sense?

Anyways, I leave you all with a small anecdote...

Last night stayed up waaaaay too late as a certain muse was being a dumbass! Anyways, Rod was being real emo that night, and Leona as usual decided to brighten things up. Next thing I know, being sung to The Hustle Song, was "Do the Emo! Do do do doodoodoo..." And at every pause doing a special emop face to accentuate the song. Oh god, I was sitting tehre rollin. Paid for it today with lil sleep, but it made my day again. :3

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